Falling Out

Why do we fall out of favour with people or stop calling someone up or inviting them around? I sometimes get really uncomfortable with the fact that apparently real caring can sometimes turn to disinterest or even loathing.  I’m reflecting on two big falling outs in my life.  When my Aunt and mother rowed over who paid more for the crackers..or was it whose children ate more of them?  Anyway they stopped visiting each other.  We all suffered so much from not seeing our cousins again..we never really got back together in the same way it was awful losing them mainly because they were brown skinned like us;  my aunt, like my mother,  had married a man from the Caribbean,  we just didn’t know anyone else like that.

And then there was the falling out we had with some friends and neighbours a few years ago..it was basically because we parent differently and they got it into their heads that we didn’t like their children..which was nonsense…although I can see how people might think that of me..I can be exacting I suppose and that gets misunderstood but I think it’s important to be honest with children..they see through you if you don’t and I hate being condescending or indulgent which are the other options….I’ve worked with children for a long time..I worked with my mother child-minding when I was 17….. she had this way of persuading everyone to believe she adored their children ..she had this sickly sweet way of talking to them..all sugary but once their parents were gone she dropped the act..I hated that..so maybe I’ve gone too far the other way…I can’t be sweet unless I mean it…when I mean it..I feel a flood of love for them…the warm feeling you get when you are making friends..and it’s so hard to fake that I don’t even try..so I suppose when I wasn’t feeling all warm and loving to their children maybe it looked like I disliked them….maybe…..but what I’ve found with the children I’ve got to know over the years is that once we make friends, we stay friends….even if their parents are no longer in my life….Anyway these days….with these two, erstwhile bosom pals…we are barely polite to each other…. before there seemed to be so much affection there.  Perhaps though I’m mistaking things..perhaps it was really exaggerated politeness..not real feeling..or real knowing of each other.  It must be so….or else we are all shamefully fickle.

What a bonus it is to make friends with an entire family….but even then it is not without its stresses…..the presure for everyone to get on..especially the children..when maybe it’s just the adults in the equation….I recently got back in touch with an old friend of mine..we used to be very close..but now she is a mother of five and on her own..she is,  in lots of ways, still the same person..but I find it so hard to regain the ground we used to stand on…our children have shifted us…and sometimes the gulf between us appears unbridgeable.  I don’t really miss the ‘us without children’ friendship..I believe I’ve moved on…but I miss the closeness..that’s what I miss..because how can you get close when there are seven children between you.

People

Today the orchard group has been emailing each other with facts and figures and news..what I love about this project is how many different people are involved in it and how it seems to have captured their imaginations.  There is an almost childlike excitement about making a space like this..it’s different from planning or planting your own garden..although that is a real buzz. I suppose because it’s public..it belongs to everyone..Is this how architects feel when they make a public building?

I was pondering on all the people who have joined our group and all the knowlegdge and expertise we have amongst us…..we could do wonders!!!..my problem is though I’m always thinking of the next thing and already I’m envisioning another orchard project..but more of that later..

What has been remarkable for me about Bridport orchard so far is that things seem to fall into place at the right time..I open my emails and someone has managed to source something or link to some event or draft someone in. The town council have really taken it on and will continue to be heavily involved, they of course are drawing on lots of elements , individuals and organsiations in the community which just a bunch of enthusiastic tree lovers would have been hard pressed to do. My friend Jill tells me that 30 community groups and organisations were represented on the planting day ( that was one of the emails)…….This project feels centred, widely supported and showered with good will….I have to say I have never quite been in this situation before..and I love it. A young Mum stopped me in the street yesterday and told me she had been to check on the trees after the storm..it made me feel so good..

My friend Pete took some photos…..just click on the link on the right and take a look at Bridport people planting their orchard.

From Field to Orchard

We planted a community orchard on Saturday. It all started three years ago when I wrote a proposal for a heritage orchard in the hope that someone would champion the idea and find some land.

Ten years before my idea was born a group of residents had saved a plot in the middle of town from becoming an indoor bowling club and car park, it is a stones throw from one of the main shopping streets..but nothing much had been done with it , just grazing for a few sheep and some gyspy ponies, they feared that it would get snatched away and developed so they came to me and we started writing letters..it all went slowly and we took it as far as we could..eventually I stepped back..because it really needed a big input from the town itself…It faded into one of those possibilities that you whimsically toy with every now and then..but Lo and Behold…last year the town council called me in and said they would secure the land and do the fundrasing…..the orchard was actually going to happen and happen quickly…..We got together a steering group, we created an Apple Day..I poured over cultivar books trying to choose trees…we all had to hit the ground running..and before we knew it….planting day was here….

Over 200 people turned up throughout the day. It was crazy, it was wonderful, it was overwhelming…..I expected something more sedate..and I suppose for punters it all looked fairly serene really….but for me it was one long frenetic ride with a few breathers here and there. The sun smiled on us, the wind took a holiday, there was homemade soup and bread and cheese there was mulled cider, a constant log fire, children digging for pottery, and there was singing, a hundred voices in harmony welcoming the new trees.

My son took himself off to the singing workshop and found his own place in the circle of singers..he told me all about it that night at dinner. I’m sometimes alarmed at his independance, but he’s grown up with David and I doing this kind of thing..it’s almost homely to him to be surrounded by strangers with muddy hands having a good time but my daughter is still baffled why we want to do things for other people..so am I…. if I’m honest..where does that drive come from?

It starts with sharing..I know that..but it’s also to do with a knowledge (or is it an ssumption?) that most people want what we want, fellowship, connection with the earth, meaningful activity…..and judging by Saturday’s turnout..we might be onto something.

The field has been used for centuries for growing of some kind and there was something in the feel of the soil..apart from the broken pots,  that testified to all the other hands that had turned the soil…..there will be a row of allotment plots in the orchard bringing people in daily and adding to the diversity, there will be a wildlife area and places to just sit and enjoy the trees..I’m hoping this is the first of many such projects here..and I’m glad that this one has grown out of my own dreams, whisperings and ultimately, action.

Declutterland

Dear friends,

What a place! Never thought I would get here..but here we are better late then never Eh? We arrived on Sunday in the afternoon full of apprehension and excitement. We have been throwing things away ever since….even the kids are joining in. It’s cold here though and we took all our jumpers to the charity shop yesterday..still…we have at least another week to go..a bit of junk climbing and extreme scrubbing coming up.

wish you were here

lots of love…K

OK so I’m being obscure…in short the builders arrived..tore out the wormy skirting board and we had to take down all our built in cupboards so they could do it….resulting in NO storage..so I’m throwing everything away..well everything that fails to please me..I’m drunk on the absolute power of it….off with their heads!

The Black Knight

I’m reading my son a book called Arthur of Albion, I wanted to introduce him to a legend that was indigeonous rather than from elsewhere, I thought I would want to be cramming his head with African, Irish or Caribbean stories..but the native English ones seem to fit best at the moment..it’s sort of where we are standing and it fits with the history he is learning……So I thought Arthur was was a good place to start…..even though it’s going to be eurocentric..so imagine my surprise and pleasure when I discovered Sir Palomides, a knight of the round table whose father was Saracen and whose mother was Irish. Why didn’t I know about him before!  Throughout all my reading as a child..I was scouring the books for someone like me and all the time he was there in Camelot, hidden like so many black people….real and fictional..so I’m on  a quest…the quest for the black knight..there must be more of them out there…..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palamedes_(Arthurian_legend)